God's Healing of My Heart

It all started 10 years ago. I was coming into a stage in my life where I thought I had it all together. I felt it was finally my turn. Our daughters were through college; Kirsten was married and Kara was to be married in a year and a half. My mother had lived with us for 8 years. I was through the "sandwich phase" of having children at home and caring for my aging mother until her death at 91. I had not had any major health problems but I was having what I thought was a bad cold with a rattle in my chest. I went to the doctor for an antibiotic. After 10 days on the antibiotic and no improvement, I was sent to a cardiologist! Cardiologist...I never had any trouble with MY HEART. On January 9, 1994, I had a heart catheterization and learned I was suffering from congestive heart failure, two-thirds of my heart muscle was GONE---DEAD. The only cure for me was a heart transplant. My first reaction was denial. God had always been a part of my life, and I was sure He didn't have this in mind for me. However, I wasn't seeking His guidance as much as I did when I was a stay-at-home mom, so now maybe I'd better stop and think about this. I have always received God's word with joy, but for a while I had allowed the thorns of the world - the worries and the daily routine - to choke and interfere with my relationship with God. I was simply too busy. God's purpose for my life was to quiet me, calm me, and to restore me to the fertile soil that He requires for His followers.

I was sent to Ann Arbor for more tests. After dozens of tests-conclusion-a virus had destroyed my heart muscle. What virus? When did I have the virus? No clue. But the fact that it was a virus ended the career I loved as a teacher. It was very hard to let go of my job. And I was classified DISABLED. I couldn't comprehend that when God closes the door He opens a window...so I was now looking for the window.

I lived fairly well on one third of my heart for about 5 years. My heart was weak and beginning to enlarge. I thought maybe God was opening a window for me when I was put on an experimental drug in Ann Arbor. The study was pulled after six months when 40% of the people died. Going off the drug really set me back for about 4 months, as the drug was a strong stimulant for my heart. By this time, I was on 21 pills a day, and I was beginning to have good days and bad days. Colds would set me back for 6 weeks or more. I soon discovered I had more time to study the Bible and more time to pray. Oh, I get it. God wanted me to change my agenda to His agenda. I started praying for a healing. I started believing that God would heal me.

In 1999, we were in Florida at a wedding of Gary's niece and his cousin was the pastor. On Sunday after the wedding, the family had a laying on of hands for me and I was convinced I was walking through that open window that God was providing. As I look back-God had a healing for me that was beyond my wildest dreams. But I felt I was cured and now I just had to have faith. My next appointment with the doctor was going to be the joyful news that I was healed. My next appointment did not turn out the way I expected. Things got even worse. Now they wanted to implant a pacemaker/defibrillator in me. I was shocked. I told them I needed time to think it over. I went home and prayed and prayed asking God if this was a part of my healing. Please Lord, give me some sign to know what to do. I went back to the doctor after two weeks. I refused the pacemaker/defibrillator but they did put me on a new medicine. The medicine made me sick. I tried that medicine for 3 weeks, but it made me sick. So, the pacemaker/defibrillator was implanted. But I knew it would never fire and it never did.

Christmas 2001, I called the family home and announced it would be my last Christmas. I was having difficulty breathing and would move from one chair to the next. January 2002 found me gasping for air. I went to Genesys hospital emergency and was told there was nothing they could do. I went immediately to Ann Arbor and right into intensive care. My name jumped to the top priority list for a heart transplant. All my organs were screened. My doctor's comment: "We don't understand how your body can be in such good shape but your heart-stinks."

After 22 days I was told they could only keep me 4 more days and if a heart did not become available, they would have to pull the support system. There was a possibility of a heart pump machine to hold me temporarily but it was only a bridge to getting a heart. I did not want to go through the operation twice. I was ready to meet Jesus but my family wasn't ready to let me go. I remember telling Lee Doll that I was in the Lord's hands-one way or the other. I had to have a catheter in my neck at all times, in case a heart became available. The catheter could only stay in my neck for 5 days and then be switched to the other side. The night of February 8 it was discovered the wrong catheter was inserted and they pulled it out. I spent the night without the catheter if a heart had become available I would not have been able to receive it. The morning of February 9 I went back to the operating room and the correct catheter was inserted. It was that night at 10:00 p.m. that the nurse stood at the foot of my bed and said, "We think we have a heart for you." God's timing is perfect. I can't recall what that nurse looked like because the figure in white that I saw was Jesus. He said to me, "Come." I felt like Peter when he stepped out of the boat and walked to Jesus on the water. But there were no waves-it was calm water. All the prayers of this church and other churches and prayers of friends and relatives had calmed the water and I was not afraid. God' love for me was beyond words. God's answer to prayer is absolute. It was one miracle after another. As midnight approached, I heard voices in the hall outside my room. Before going to the operating room, surrounding my bed where the most Christlike people I have ever seen. There was Larry Kent, Jim Rea and my family. There was joy on their faces and praises on all our lips. We prayed for the donor's family and the doctors and I went in peace to the operating room. The operation lasted 12 hours. My healing came. My healing came from God through the hands and minds of the doctors. God used people to work His purpose and His miracles. I am so thankful for the people who had opened themselves to allow God to use them to do His work. Thanks be to God.

Recovery has been a process but the Lord has continued to walk with me as prayers of God's people have continued to lift me up. It was a challenge to learn to take 60 pills a day. There have been some side effects from all the steroids. I am amazed at the love of our Lord for you and for me. My lips will never cease praising the Lord for his mighty works. God doesn't promise that there will be no sickness or suffering but He does promise to walk with us through each valley. The pain and suffering of the last 10 years have been well worth the knowing and the feeling of the power and presence of God. I have been healed. I have been blessed and I thank God for the opportunity to be called a child of God.

Why have I been on this journey the last 10 years? Because God wanted to have a relationship with me and I was getting too busy with worldly things to pay attention. God wants a relationship with each one of us and He doesn't want the relationship to cool down. Remember what it was like when you met your spouse to be. Remember falling in love. Remember wanting to spend every moment with that wonderful person. Remember wanting to talk and be near him/her. Remember being anxious to get out of class or out of work so you could hurry to meet that wonderful person. Remember talking for hours and wanting to know absolutely everything about that person. That's the relationship God wants with each of us. He wants to be in our thoughts, in our decisions, in our activities, in our time, and a loving partner in all we do. He knows about us but He wants us to learn all about Him. God wants a relationship with men/women because He loves us and died for us. I am so thankful the Lord got my attention and I am so glad to be back in a loving relationship with God.

Bonnie Besonson