My Life With the Living Jesus

 "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (1 Corinthians 10:31) This scripture defines my faith journey.

I was raised by very loving, compassionate, generous and faith-filled Christian parents, Pat and Doris Fagan. At ages 6, 10, and 15 I was sick with rheumatic fever. My parents never accepted that I would be a cardiac cripple and urged me to do my best always. At 15 cheerleading was my god. However, I once again became sick and had to give it up. This was a life changer, forcing me to look at my priorities and place God at the center of my life.

After high school and a remarkable recovery from my childhood illness, I felt God's call on my life. I entered the Sisters of Saint Joseph Convent in Kalamazoo to pursue a career in nursing at Nazareth College. After three days in which I couldn't stop crying, the mother superior advised me to return home.

I continued to pursue my career in nursing, and in 1971 married my high school friend and sweetheart, Bob Smeets. Together we raised our two children Mark and Katrina. Working at McLaren and raising our family took all my energy. God taught me many things as Bob and I grew together in our marriage. Bob was very talented, fun-loving, generous and kind.

July 27, 1989 changed my life forever. While on vacation in Wisconsin our fun loving family was involved in an auto accident that took the lives of Bob, Mark and my mother Doris. My life teetered between life and death both physically and emotionally. My daughter Katrina sustained a whip lash and tremendous emotional challenges. Not only were Mark and Katrina siblings, they were BEST friends. In the hospital when I had to tell Katrina of the deaths, I knew God would sustain us and I shared that with her.

God provided and was faithful to us. So many people prayed for me to be healed and I felt lifted from death's door to life. UNBELIEVEABLE! My constant prayer was for our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual healing. My 16 year old daughter needed her mother and she could not stand to see me in bed. That was motivation for me to recover physically as quickly as possible. After a 7 week hospitalization due to a fractured pelvis and many fractured ribs I learned to walk again. God helped us every step of the way.

The first big spiritual challenge came when I realized in order to survive I would have to let go of my pride and accept help. Trust in the LORD with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6) This scripture guided my life. God gave me the courage to be specific in asking for the help I needed from the many willing family and friends, and turned their hopelessness into helpfulness and strengthened me as well. I wondered how I could ever repay them for helping us survive. God's wisdom showed me that they didn't expect to be repaid. I was relieved.

The second spiritual challenge was the choice to become either bitter or better. I embraced the scripture which instructs us not to allow bitterness to take hold in our lives.
My next spiritual challenge was to forgive the person responsible for the deaths of my three loved ones. In January 1990, I was face to face with him at a trial in Wisconsin. ONLY by the grace of God was I able to face that man and forgive him.

The journey of healing takes time. In December 1993, I married a man I knew for 9 months. I thought, (didn't consult with God) I was ready for a shared life again. Sadly the relationship ended in divorce a year later. I was devastated and humiliated. Pride will get you every time. God drew me in and held me close. I rededicated my life to God and began seriously studying the scriptures.

As my life progressed this scripture became my life's desire, Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of all compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

In April 1995 I met Andy Avant walking in Genesee Valley Mall. Andy loved the Lord and was being drawn to Him as well. Our relationship developed slowly over studying God's Word together. In January 2001 I prayed for God's guidance in our relationship, and we were married in September 2001. Five months later Andy was diagnosed with a very aggressive cancerous brain tumor. I struggled emotionally. Was I a bride or about to be a widow again? I experienced God's love again through the loving support and care of family and friends, this time also from the saints of First Presbyterian Church where Andy and I worshiped. God's strength came into our weakness. Andy died in September 2002. When I asked how God could take Andy so soon, He replied that He gave me the joy of caring for Andy as his wife. In my sorrow, God spoke to me through my granddaughter Izzy, "Grammy you don't have to be sad because you will see Grandpa Andy again." God's love was so apparent to me. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:8b)

Single again, I decided to build a joyful life. I became involved in hospice, home visitation and bereavement work. Through this work God placed Tom Robinson in my life in April 2003. Tom also loves the Lord, studying Scriptures and assisting others. With God's help I was able to heal my grief from Andy to be available for a relationship with Tom. We were married in August 2004. With God's love, grace, forgiveness, mercy, compassion, healing, provisions and guidance I have been able to overcome the challenges life brought and live a joy-filled life. This scripture comes to life: Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. (Psalms 23:6)

Kathy Robinson