Where is God?

God was always in my brain but that was all. I never knew that he was to be in your heart, and in your soul, and in your mind, as it states in Matthew 22:37, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind." I just knew that I believed in God.

I never asked, "Where is God?", when my husband died suddenly on his birthday in June of 1969 of a massive heart attack. I was left alone at the age of 29 with two small children, ages 5 and 7. Again I never asked "Where is God?", when my dad died of a massive heart attack while swimming with his grandchildren. And again I never asked, "Where is God? ", when my stepson died unexpectedly in December of 1982 and was buried on Christmas Eve with a full military funeral at the age of 18.

The year 1983 became very hard for me because my relationship with my husband fell apart because of the death of his son. His love and attention went to his daughter and not to me or my children. We were outcast. The love of my life was gone from me and I had no one to turn to. I didn't know that I could turn to God or to the church. At that time I really wasn't attending church even though I had been a member of First Presbyterian Church since 1961. I chose to stay home instead of getting up and going to church. Church wasn't important to me. Having a personal relationship with God wasn't important to me either. I didn't know I could have one.

The world thought that I was my happy go lucky self, always smiling, telling jokes, and laughing. Little did they know that I was screaming on the inside, saying God let me die, kill me, I don't want to live any more. My heart was broken and couldn't be mended so I thought. I tried to talk to my husband and stepdaughter about our lives together. I wanted to come up with a solution. A plan was formed and tried. The plan would work for just a short time and then it would fall apart. It was our plan not God's plan. Again and again we tried but failed.

By the time May came around in the year 1983 I was at my wits end. The only solution was for me to commit suicide or to run away never to be Graduation Open House of a friend of ours on a Sunday. I had it all planned that I would be sick and my family would go without me. On Saturday I went to the cemetary to talk with my late husband, my grandmother, my stepson and my father. I thought that they could console me. Boy was I wrong. Instead, God came to me and spoke to me right there at Sunset Hills Cemetery. When He called my name out loud I thought, "Who is this?" Little did I know that I could hear God. God came and consoled me not my deceased relatives. He told me that I was His child and that I was important to Him and that he doesn't make junk. That I was to follow Him and that He would guide me the rest of my life if I would commit my life to Him. Right there in the cemetery He led me through the Sinner's Prayer. He gave me a plan to use from that day on.

He told me that I was to start reading His word, to learn His word and to put into practice His word. On that day He also told me to quit smoking. On June 21, 1983 I was to make a promise to Him that I would never put a cigarette to my lips again. He told me that my body belonged to Him and that my body was the temple of the Holy Spirit. You see I had quit smoking many times. Each time I would think I could pick up just one cigarette and enjoy it without getting hooked. I became addicted over and over again. On June 21, 1983 I did what God asked me to do. I threw away the cigarettes and flushed my nerve pills down the toilet. He kept His promise that He would see me through the withdrawal period. From that day on I never wanted a cigarette again. He kept His promise and I kept mine. Praise be to God for all He does for us.

Since that day in June I know that I am a child of God's and that he has a plan for my life. Because of that time in my life all of my family has received God into their lives and they have a personal relationship with Him. My relationship with my stepdaughter (now daughter) is perfect. She is married and has children of her own who are being brought up in the church and they have accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord. My children's relationship with their father is wonderful and they have children of their own and they are bringing them up in the church also. What else can I say but "Praise the Lord. He is truly awesome!"

When I thought that I was alone, I was wrong. He was carrying me just like the poem "Footprints in the Sand." So yes, I now know, "Where is God?"

JoAnn Gach